Bob Dylan’s finally proposed to Joan Baez,
and Tupac Shakur was Malcolm X’s son.
Epstein was in league with the Brothers Menendez.
Alzheimer’s is just the result of excess fun.
We’ve learned that Marilyn probably faked her death.
She was the one with the gun on the grassy knoll
and winked at Jackie as Kennedy took his last breath.
Young Donald Trump was aboard Apollo 13
and with a bunch of aliens smoked a bowl
after serving in Vietnam as a Marine.
Bruce Springsteen just held a seance with Charlie Kirk.
We’re certain that both of the Brontës slept with Chopin.
And Beyoncé taught Noam Chomsky how to twerk,
manufacturing firm consent around her can.